Believe in something and work and serve for it, this is how life goes. Starting from your childhood, your parents will start teaching you what they were taught when they were children, and the community will start affecting on you so you become what you become when you are an adult. You see things happening around you and when you are a mature you see yourself exactly as others are at your age and live at the place you live. You inhabit what thousands inhabited before you, and you go on the way that thousands before you went on. Sometimes you feel that it is not what you want and your mind starts telling you of thinking of something else, but there and exactly there, a lot will stand against you without feeling them and oblige you to return on the way they chose before you and you started. Why did you believe in a certain thing and why suddenly you may start not believing in it, and what would prevent you from believing in something else. Didn’t you once feel that you are living in nothing, and all these teachings and beliefs you have are not yours and doesn’t belong to you and the way you thing, then suddenly you say that you should stay what you are now and not change because of the results that could destroy you, isn’t this is what the voice inside you is telling you, and here starts the battle between you and this voice that represents your community, your childhood and everything you learned since you came to this life, but don’t worry my friend, don’t worry if you felt for a while that you are weak, because you are not, its just that you are fighting everything that was loaded into your brain since your birth until this revolutionary moment that not all the people can reach and go in. You should fight this voice, although it will take you some time, and sometimes you will feel you are lost because at the time you will be fighting all of this, you will be giving birth to a new system of beliefs and ideas that you create and you believe in, and here you start living your life in your way, not in other’s way. Since the beginning of this life, humans made systems in order to arrange their life, but from the other side, leaders needed these systems in order to rule and control the others, so imagine you come and fight this system that was working since a long time ago, in order to create your own system, isn’t this a revolution, and isn’t there a price and sacrifice for every change? I will tell you my story my friend to understand what I am talking about, since I became fourteen years old I started living what my people and family lived. Yesterday I remembered the moments that made me go deep in the conflict that the Palestinians have with the Israelis. I was sitting in my class when I was sixteen years old and the former Israeli prime minister Ariel Sharon decided to go the Aqsa Mosque, I remember that my classmate told me that the schools are closing their doors and the students are going to demonstrate against Sharon’s visit to the Aqsa Mosque, this started something in me and made me think of what is going on. Then after that my cousin died in the clashes in the Intifada, I remember when his mom was crying on him, I didn’t cry, I just didn’t feel anything except of anger because I saw here crying and I couldn’t do anything, i remember that I just went to her and told here, Don’t worry, if Sameeh is gone, we are here, just don’t worry, and she hugged me. I didn’t now why I did so and what made me do so, but at that time, something started in me, this anger that comes slowly so in the end it creates a big explosion, then I started to go to visit them to carry my cousin’s daughter that was only twenty one days when her father died. I used to carry her and speak to her although I knew that she didn’t understand a word of what I said. This as far as I know was the event that changed the way I believed in things. My interests changed toward knowing more about the martyrs that died, and follow up with the events that were happening. I truly deeply believed that it is my duty to defense what was taken from the Palestinians. I was affected by what others around me told me and I started my journey through the world of orders and beliefs transferred from others. There was a period that I believed that only force and violence could liberate what was token from us, but something inside me was different, I couldn’t translate it or understand it but something inside me was telling me something else, but each time I tried to deeply understand what was this thing, someone returned me to the system that I was living because of the events I lived and made me live this system. All of this carried on also at the time that I became a leader between all of those who used to follow me and listen to me; they were at my age when I started to follow and listen to others. There, at that time I felt the real pain, because I wanted to teach and tell them what I wanted to tell them, but I couldn’t! Because I had to teach them what I was taught in the past, not what I could come out with, this was what the system told me. At that time, I was sent to prison, and this separated between me and all of those people who taught me and those who I was teaching too the thing called “Beliefs”.The only good thing that I had from my short prison experience was the time I had to sit alone and think of everything, every single thought and idea, every thing I was taught, everything I believed in, my ideology that I inhabited from others. And their exactly the change happened. It was difficult and it was as a long nightmare that will never end because of the fear of change and the pain of giving birth of a new ideology and idea and belief of my own, but at the end I succeeded and built my own system of belief that changed the basis of my life and made me what I am now, a truly free living person that talks about what he believes and not others belief. This change made me related to my people’s case stronger than any other time, but also gave me what I needed to know how to reach what I want to reach and my people wanted to reach using the best appropriate tools to accomplish this mission depending on what I believe in, not my old system used to believe in. Although my way could take a long time to see results and needs patience, but I prefer it because it’s just my own way that agrees with what my heart tells me. We are humans my friend, and trust me, you can reach every human although he may be an extremist and believe in other ways that you or I believe in.
Tags:
beliefs,
group,
israel,
khalil,
palestine,
youth,
zayyad,
ziad
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