Growing pain
I was asked to write a bit about the group, the people, and the process.
Exactly today I was thinking about the fact that its been a year since we all started this intensive process with this group, and I see the difference between Janelle 2007 and Janelle 2008. Hoping it’s just the beginning.
The tear, the hatred and the huge world that has gaped between Jews and Arabs in this area has been burning inside me for years. It’s something I feel I take with me everywhere – trying to learn where it comes from, how it happened and still happens and if there’s any chance to stop it.
A year ago, like a gift, I joined this special process of ten people. Ziad, Areej, Fawaz, George, Gal, Shira, Ben, Rasha and Marian.
The process, in my opinion, is different for everyone in the group.
It’s a process of personal empowerment, of strengthening ourselves and our opinions, of learning and partnership. And its not easy at all, cause like any other normal man or woman, I too like to ignore or deny or just focus on easier things, and not burrow into pain or confusing and unstable parts in life.
A year ago I decided to give it all I have, and step into essential questions about my existence, the existence of others and the reciprocal relationship between those two. Without giving up, even when I truly want to. I want it to stop, I want us to stop and I want them to stop – and it’s not happening. But I’m still here, asking and examining things.
Today, when behind every slogan or stigma there’s a real person, and it’s no loner just a face in a newspaper, I actually experience reality differently. I live it, I feel things on my flesh and it doesn’t allow me to give up, even if my desire to give up is so great – because it is truly hard.
So now, a year later, I carry some faith with me. I don’t know where we’re headed to, and I don’t exactly know what we’re suppose to do but at least we’re doing it together.
The greatest power I take from this group is the strength to keep going and imagine that there might be a reality that is different.
That is a true gift that goes everywhere with me, especially when reality tries its best to persuade me otherwise.
So thanks to the special little group, that simply cares.
Janelle
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Hi Janelle,
This is all you have after one year of intensive relations and discussions?
I would be interested to learn whether you see also some development with other participants, especially Ziad, since he is the only one I *know* so far. My impression is that his approach is quite static and based on the standard Palestininian propaganda narrative.
Ruth
I wish if your approach was similar to mine. The ideas and thoughts that i talked about and the way i see the future only in peace between the two poeples is my approach, i wonder whthere yours is something different than only following posts and trying to sell Israeli propaganda. As i told you before you can convince hundreds and even thousands that Israel is doing the right thing and its policy is perfect, but at the end you wont achieve something, because of your ideas about Palestinians. Everyone i showed or i discussed your comments with him Israelis, Americans, Palestinians said that your problem is that you are shut in a world of yours and refuse to accept other opinions that disagree with you. Your claim is international laws and i am sorry to tell you that yo have no idea how why and who made these laws. I hope that you will be opened to more opinions.
Ruth,
I’ve been reading everything you’ve written and I’m trying really hard to see what you want to hear. do you want me to argue? do you want me to say that Ziad is another palestinian that is not worth our trust? please tell me what you want me to say?
Because if you want me to argue and give you historical facts, I can – but I know its worth nothing. I’ll give you one fact, and you’ll give me a contradicting one and i’ll understand AGAIN that facts tell us nothing, but what we want to believe.
I think i know where you’re coming from, and I understand that place and partly feel that place. But at the same time i feel that its a closed, argumenative, powerful place that leads us to solitude (both as individuals and as a group). And I want to see what can be done differently, and not how to prove I’m right.
As for Ziad, I wish more people were like him. Because even if he’d be a reprisentative of the Palestinian propaganda, as you said so, atleast he’s willing to listen, think and feel and that’s more that most of us.
I’m sorry if what I’ve learnt in the past year is nothing to you, but for me – if both sides learn more compassion and less power, we’ll be better off.
Janelle,
Thanks for your answer. I understood your posting that you have learned during the past year to hold fast to wishful thinking in spite of reality. This is not the same as compassion, is it?
I am coming from where you want to stay or even return to, from wishful thinking. The Oslo process involved a lot of wishful thinking. It exploded in our faces and this could statement could also apply to many Palestinians. To my eyes this is an impressive lecture on the limits of wishful thinking and I desire to steer clear of it as much as possible.
Ziad is not willing to cede propaganda points even if proved wrong. Where is the openess you claim for him?